Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Randomize
