He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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