so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
