so let's talk penis.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The air was thick with penises
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
