I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
