y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
