okay pat passed out under dana's car
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
