and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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