Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
