Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
