It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
