dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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