i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
