Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
