My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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