Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
