Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
