Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I wish you could order shots online.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
