But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Who did Billy Mays play for?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
