? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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