After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
