why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
