first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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