So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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