Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
