the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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