I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
