My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He shit in the fireplace
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
