the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Is it because I queefed?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
