Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
