i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
