You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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