i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
