the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
