Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
