do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
