I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
