thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
This baby is an asshole
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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