don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
