Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
