I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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