At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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