The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
