): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
