Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
