hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
