Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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