On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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