You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Randomize
