I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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