i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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