I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
